


Affliction

by Elsian



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:26:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4377143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsian/pseuds/Elsian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's not getting sick. It's nothing, Cullen is certain of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Affliction

Cullen coughed. Once, then again, deep and from his chest and Dorian frowned, sliding off his perch of...whatever the wooden thing he was sitting on happened to be, wandering over to the desk where Cullen sat with his hand to his mouth, though his cough appeared to be coming to an end. Dorian picked up the cup of water that sat at the edge of the desk, passing it to the Commander without a word, and Cullen took it from him , taking a deep draught before he spoke.

“Thank you.” he rasped, placing both the cup and his pen down on the desk, ignoring what was likely important paperwork, but then isn’t it always? He looked up at Dorian, frowning when he realised the other man was scowling down at him.

“You’re getting sick.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Cullen scoffed in reply, moving to take up his pen once more, but Dorian snatched it away, inciting a hateful glare in his direction that he couldn’t really care less about.

“You’re sick then.” Dorian continued, unphased by the withering stare that would have any of Cullen’s men down and doing twenty before they knew what hit them. “It’s sleeping in this bloody tower. It leaks, Cullen.”

“It’s fine, it’s warm enough and it does not leak....often.” Cullen argued, reaching for his pen,which Dorian easily lifted out of reach. “Dorian!”

“Cullen.” Dorian smirked at him, and Cullen rolled his eyes in exasperation, standing and taking hold of the pen. 

“Why are you even hanging around here? It must be dull for you, surely you have some more books you can throw at Solas?” Cullen said, signing whatever the important piece of paper was and moving onto the next in a hefty pile that was bound to be refilled when Cullen started making headway on it.

“I am merely taking a break from my duties as librarian. A break never hurt anybody.” Dorian replied, moving to the shelves to toy with the various items on them, his hand hovering over the case that contained lyrium, should Cullen be in dire need, but not touching it.

“Did you choose the title of librarian yourself, because I am not sure that counts.” Cullen asked, turning the sheet over.

“Cullen.”

“I can’t afford breaks, there is too much to be done and the enemy isn’t going to slow down for me to take a breather.” Cullen said testily, clearing his throat in a way that was definitely him trying to hold down another cough from wracking his body.

“You’re no good to the Inquisition working yourself to ruin either.” Dorian argued. “You can take a nap, just for an hour man. You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

“Dorian…”

“Don’t make me get Cassandra.” Dorian warned. Cullen looked at him warily, placing the pen back down.

“You wouldn’t.” he said, but his voice lacked conviction, and he stood as Dorian moved to the door, fists clenched. 

“I would. Now, get up that ladder and take an hour, or Maker help me, I’ll be back here with Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine.” Dorian threatened, rapping on the ladder with his knuckles. 

Cullen sighed, stepped out from behind his desk, moving to stand by the ladder. 

“Just an hour.” 

“That’s all I ask.” Dorian smirked at him. “I’d really like you to have some energy in you, it’s rather beneficial to me, you see.” 

“You are incorrigible.” Cullen smiled softly. “Will you be joining me?” .

“Unfortunately not, this time. I do actually have work of my own to do, though not as pressing as anything the Knight Commander has to do I’m sure.” Dorian leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Cullen’s mouth. “I will return in the hour, and you better just be getting up.”

“Anyone would think you were Commander, Lord Pavus.” Cullen laughed.

“Please, Lord Pavus is my father, and I would like to think we have little in common.” He pressed another chaste kiss to Cullen’s lips. “Sleep. I will be back shortly.” 

Dorian left the room, though Cullen doubted he’d leave the tower entirely until he heard Cullen’s steps on the ladder. He sighed, opened his fist to glance at the blood in his palm, before shaking his head and wiping it on his robe. He’d likely cut his throat on a seed or something, nothing of major concern. 

He yawned, finding himself more tired than he’d genuinely realised, and climbed the ladder to his bed. Dorian was right, an hour’s rest wasn’t going to hurt anybody.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Dorian returned to Cullen’s office much later than planned, the Inquisitor having come to him with some urgent questions that turned into some urgent drinks in the tavern that ended up lasting until sunset, but he doubted the Commander minded. Adoring of Dorian though he was, he was also dedicated to his work for the Inquisition, and likely approved of Dorian out of the way for a while so he could deal with his backlog, which was growing steadily larger, much to Dorian’s disdain. He’d offered help where he could, but much was directed only to the Knight Commander and there was little the Mage could do aside from pass the work over to Cullen anyway after reading it. 

Which is why it was surprising when he entered to find the office dim, all but one of the day candles burned out and unreplaced. Heavy breathing from above quickly signified where Cullen was and Dorian frowned. He knew the man had been tired, but to sleep the entire afternoon away was incredibly unlike Cullen, and did nothing to assuage Dorian’s fears the man had caught a sickness. 

He scaled the ladder as quietly as possible, finding Cullen quite firmly asleep, tucked up in his bed with the sheets pulled to his chin. Dorian had not the heart to wake him, nor any real need. He’d drank too much to feel any real hunger for dinner, and Cullen would likely be too groggy from sleep for food were he to rouse him now, so instead he removed his boots and anything too buckled to be comfortable before lifting the sheets and sliding into bed behind Cullen, placing an arm over his waist. 

The man shuffled back immediately into the new warmth of Dorian’s body, mumbled something indiscernible and fell back into his deep sleep, whilst Dorian smiled bemusedly before placing a kiss on the bare nape of Cullen’s neck and settling down to rest, his concerns for the Commander’s well-being only growing when the man occasionally gave a shuddering cough in his arms before he too finally fell asleep. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

When Dorian awoke, it was to early morning sunlight, and soft kisses pressed to his collarbone. He hummed softly, opening bleary eyes to find Cullen resting on his shoulder, smiling at him. 

“That was a bit longer than an hour.” Cullen said softly, leaning up and resting on his hand.

“I might say the same for you. Still in bed when I returned! You must have slept a good fifteen hours.” Dorian smirked at him, stretching his arms above his head whilst Cullen groaned.

“Don’t remind me. I’m going to be making up for that for days.” 

Dorian stopped in his motions, running a hand through Cullen’s sleep-mussed hair. “You must have needed it, Amatus. Do not fret so. These nobles can wait for their letters, believe me, they’ll love that they haven’t had a reply, something to complain about to their friends. Nothing more fun than gossip and scandal to the higher ups.”

“Admittedly, I feel better for it, physically, if not emotionally.” Cullen took Dorian’s hand, pressing a kiss to the skin.

“A little guilt is good for the soul.” Dorian replied, rolling onto his side and pulling Cullen to him so they lay facing each other, his hand drifting over the patch of skin where Cullen’s rumpled shirt had rode up in his sleep, toying with the hem and letting his fingers drift over the skin where hipbone and groin began to meet, enjoying feeling Cullen shudder slightly under his touch. 

“I’m not sure that’s true.” Cullen eyed Dorian, before leaning in and catching his mouth for a kiss that deepened very quickly, his hands drifting up Dorian’s chest whilst Dorian’s hand finally dipped below the hem of Cullen’s trousers for the destination it had always had in mind.

“You have morning breath, how vile.” Dorian breathed, exhaling heavily as Cullen’s hand slid down his body and into his own trousers, taking hold of his cock firmly and pumping, matching Dorian’s pace. 

“Like you’re any better.” Cullen retorted, capturing Dorian’s mouth for another slow deep kiss as they jerked each other lazily in the soft glow of the morning sunlight warming the bed through Cullen’s patchwork roof. The Commander had started to make his usual little noises of pleasure that usually signalled to Dorian the man was drawing close, whimpering Dorian would say, though Cullen would deny it until he was blue in the face. 

He twisted his hand, gripping a little tighter, moving slightly faster, but only ever so slightly and hissing as Cullen’s hand followed suit, his sword-calloused fingers always so surprisingly gentle, but absolutely perfect. His hips thrust involuntarily and he could feel the tightening that meant he was close. Using his free hand, he grabbed Cullen’s face, pulling him in and tasting his mouth as he gripped tighter, Cullen’s seed spilling into his hand as Cullen’s soft cries spilled into his mouth, the other man’s hand on him slowing involuntarily. 

It was no hardship, removing his hand from Cullen and covering the other man’s hand with his own, both jerking together until Dorian was spilling only a few moments later, biting his lip as he came hotly over both his own hand and Cullen’s. 

Dorian took a few moments to compose himself, wiping his hand on the sheets before opening his eyes and turning to Cullen, who he found was cleaning his own hand through placing his fingers in his mouth one-by-one, eying Dorian knowingly. The Mage groaned, throwing his head back into the pillow with his hand over his eyes.

“It’s far too early for you to be getting saucy. Maker save me from these good little Chantry boys!” He lamented, turning and reaching for Cullen as he felt him move to sit up from the bed.

“It’s far too early, come back to bed.” He said, pressing the back of his hand to Cullen’s thigh. but Cullen shook his head.

“I have slept more than enough, there is too much work to be done.” He put his boots on before standing to retrieve his armour and dress for the day. “And I’m really not sure why you have this good little Chantry boy idea in your head. You’ve been reading too many trashy novels.”

“There is no such thing as too many trash novels.” Dorian lay back with his arms under his head. “Ask Cassandra.”

“What?”

“What?” Dorian smiled at Cullen cheekily, and the other man sighed, pulling his furred outercoat on before leaning over to kiss the Mage.

“Go back to sleep. I will see you later.”

“I have no doubt you shall.” Dorian rolled over, planting his face firmly into the pillow and was snoring before Cullen was halfway down the ladder. Once he was down, he stared at his pile of paperwork dejectedly for a moment, stifling a cough before steeling himself and sitting down.

“Back to work” he murmured to himself, picking up his pen and trying not to be too frustrated when a runner turned up another lot of papers just a half hour later.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

He didn’t want Cullen to know, but Dorian grew more concerned everyday. Cullen still hadn’t shaken his cough in three weeks, and looked more tired than ever despite taking almost daily naps. He was definitely paler and thinner, and to Dorian’s added frustration, insisted he was fine whenever Dorian tried to broach the subject. He’d approached Josephine about the issue, loathe as he was to do so, but she’d shaken her head sadly when he requested Cullen be given a week’s respite, just to give him a chance to get back on his feet. 

“We can’t spare him, Dorian. The men need training, there is paperwork to be done and he’s the best strategist we have. Our dear Adaar tries, but she was not made for planning on that scale.” She explained sadly. “I know he needs the break, Maker knows we all do, but there just isn’t the time right now”

“It’s driving him into the ground, Josie.” Dorian replied lamely. There wasn’t really any argument to be had with the requirements of the Inquisition, not with the threat of Corypheus hanging over their heads at all times but he’d had to try. Without telling Cullen of course, he’d never allow it.

“I know.” Josephine replied quietly. “I can see that as well as you can...I will see what can be done, but I can make no promises.” 

“That is all that I ask.” Dorian nodded, and Josephine bowed down over her work again, as buried in the stuff as Cullen was.

“He’s lucky to have you to take care of him, you know.” she piped up as he was about to leave. 

Dorian laughed bitterly.

“Yes. Maker knows he can’t do it himself.” He replied, before leaving to find the Commander, no doubt still hunched over his work or drilling the troops.

That had been over a week ago, and he’d still heard nothing from Josephine, so he supposed it was a lost cause. He’d had to try though. Cullen had become important, in a way no-one had been in a long time, and Dorian was worried about him.

Cullen had surprised him though, sat with him, Adaar and the Chargers in the tavern tonight, no longer hunched over paperwork, picking at a meal in front of him that Dorian had belatedly realised was the first time he’d seen Cullen sit down to food in far too long. Cassandra, Varric and Sera had joined them not long after, and even Blackwall had emerged, though he sat in silence nursing an ale, he seemed happy to be listening. Josephine had neglected to join, wrapped up in her work, and no-one might know where Leliana was at any given moment; Dorian half suspected she might be watching them that moment, but it was fun, almost relaxed as though a vengeful demon-man wasn’t looking to bring the end of days upon them. 

Cullen was laughing next to him, everyone was in fact and it appeared he had missed something entirely hilarious in his musings.

“Nothing witty to say, Vint?” Iron Bull teased, ignoring the glares from Krem at the insult. Dorian laughed and raised a brow.

“I’m terribly sorry, I realised the Qunari was speaking and entirely switched off.” He replied, winking at Bull, who only roared louder, slapping his knee and moving his tankard away when Krem decided it was high time he cut his leader off, which lead to a rather loud discussion of whether Bull genuinely needed cutting off, both of them trying to draw the Inquisitor onto their side whilst Cassandra watched in bemusement.

Cullen swayed slightly next to him, gripping the table suddenly and Dorian leaned in immediately, placing a hand on Cullen’s arm.

“Are you alright, Amatus?” he murmured, keeping his voice low so as not to draw attention. Cullen shook his head.  
“I am fine, the drink has simply gone to my head.” He slid out from the bench, standing on legs that were not entirely stable before he steadied himself, coughing into his hand. “I just need some air.”

“I’ll come with you.” Dorian slid out, placing his drink on the table.

“That’s not necessary…”Cullen tried to argue, but Dorian was already leading him to the door.

“Nonsense, we’re on our way now. Let’s get you some hair, it’s far too humid in here. Someone is full of hot air.” Dorian shot Bull a cheeky look, which was returned with a mocking fist in the air before he laughed and lifted his rapidly depleting tankard. 

They burst out of the door, the heavy oak dropping closed behind them and already quieting the din that was inside, Dorian not quite realising just how loud it was until they were outside. He took a deep breath of the fresh air as Cullen did the same next to him, turning to comment when he realised just how pale Cullen was, looking for the life of him like he was about to be violently ill. The breath the Commander took was rattling before he coughed deeply from the base of his chest, and was unable to stop. The coughs kept coming, wracking the man’s body until he fell to his knees, hands covering his mouth and Dorian didn’t need to be a healer to know the red that seeped between his fingers was blood.

“Cullen!” He dropped to his knees next to the other man, placing his hand on his back with the intention to try and rub his back, but Cullen’s coughs shook his whole body, and Dorian’s soothing was in vain, the man’s body trembling beneath his fingers. There was little warning as Cullen looked to Dorian, moving his hands away to reveal blood-specked lips, and eyes full of fear like Dorian had never seen, not even in Haven when they thought all hope was lost.

“I’m sorry.” Cullen choked out, before pitching forward, and it was only instinct that had Dorian catching him, to prevent the man from falling face first into the ground instead, leaving Dorian clutching his lover in the darkness outside the tavern with not a single idea what to do for the first time in his life.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - - --- - - - - - - - - - - - -- --- - - - - - - -- - - 

Dorian sat outside the room they’d taken Cullen into, when his cries for help had been finally heard over the din of the tavern, Bull sweeping Cullen into his arms and carrying him into the castle of Skyhold in an instant whilst Sera ran to wake their best healer, everyone sobering up with haste that might have been alarming if it wasn’t so very necessary.

That had been hours ago, the sun was starting to rise and still they were in there, the healer, Josephine and Cassandra. He’d wanted to be there, needed to be, but they would not allow it, so he’d taken up vigil outside the room until someone came out and told him what was going on, what was wrong with Cullen, and most importantly, if he was going to be alright.   
Finally the door opened, Dorian on his feet the instant he heard the lock beginning to move, watching as Cassandra left the room, closing the door behind her. Josephine and the healer did not appear, and she stopped, looking at him like she needed to cry, but there were just no tears.

“Talk to me.” he demanded. “What is wrong with him?” 

Cassandra opened her mouth, then closed it again, unable to find the words. He knew he should be sympathetic, but he was tired, and scared and so in love with Cullen it hurt, and he had to know, so he stepped forward, gripping her shoulders firmly, too much so.

“Damn it, woman! I need to know!” Cassandra pushed him away fiercely, releasing his grip easily and reminding him who he was dealing with. 

“I know you are concerned, Dorian, but give me time! This is.... not something I can say easily.”

Dorian huffed, but stood back, taking a deep breath.

“I apologise, it has been a long night.” He sat down on the bench outside the room once more, elbows on his knees and Cassandra slid down next to him, silent a few moments more.

“Cullen is very sick.” she began.

“I had worked out that much some time ago.” Dorian interrupted tartly. Cassandra glared and he quieted himself.

“It’s in his lungs...the disease, it’s too far gone. The mages can do something for the pain, but…” Cassandra trailed off, her breath hitching but Dorian didn’t need her to finish.

“They can’t cure it.” he said numbly.He knew logically magic was not a failsafe, it couldn’t solve everything, couldn’t cure everything, but it was a bitter pill to swallow, to accept they couldn’t help Cullen. That he couldn’t help.

“Did they say...did they say how long?” He asked, hands trembling in front of him. He clenched his fists, forcing them to stop. 

“It depends. We will make him comfortable, ease the pain. It could be two weeks, it could be two months, there is no certainty.” Cassandra sighed wearily, the pain in her face plain to see. “You should get some sleep, Dorian. As should we all.” She stood, looking at him but he shook his head.

“I am staying here until they let me see him.” 

“Suit yourself.” Cassandras tone was clipped, belying the hurt she was truly feeling and Dorian watched as she walked away. She dealt in her way,and he dealt in his, and right now he needed to deal by seeing Cullen. 

Two months. It was nothing at all, barely a blip in the grand scheme of things, and that was the best case scenario. It didn’t bare thinking about, but with no-one around, it was all Dorian could think about until someone else came to give him more news.

He slid back down on his perch, folding his arms to wait until someone emerged and allowed him to see Cullen.

The door stayed firmly shut.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- 

“I have brought you fruit!” Dorian singsonged, bursting in the door with the aforementioned fruit in his arms, smiling where Cullen scowled at him from the bed, surrounded by plush pillows and blankets that Dorian ruefully thought no-one had wanted to offer when he was living in his rundown attic. He dumped the fruit on the end of the bed, plucking an apple up and taking a bite out of the rosy flesh. 

“We have acquired oranges, all the way from Tevinter, just for you, aren’t you special?” He held one out to Cullen, who smiled and shook his head, placing his book on his lap.

“Maybe later, but thank you.” Cullen replied,leaning up for a kiss when Dorian approached him.

“How are you feeling today?” He asked, placing his apple down on the table beside the bed. Cullen rolled his eyes.

“Better than I have been in a while, as I have told the last three people who have come to see me.” He closed his book, placing it on the bedside next to Dorian’s unfinished apple. “What have you been doing today? You have usually come to see me much earlier than this. 

“Maker forbid people be concerned about you.” Dorian teased, wandering to the window. “I was making arrangements, your family should be here within the week and I don’t want them on roll mats in the great hall.”

Cullen laughed. “They are farming folk, I can assure you they’d be more than fine with rollmats.”

“Well I am not, and they will have beds. It’s all arranged.” Dorian glanced out of the window down on the grounds.

“What’s happening out there?” Cullen asked, voice deceptively light. Dorian looked at him hesitantly before deciding it was alright.

“Cassandra has your men running laps, she’s doing well, they listen to her. Bull and the Chargers are watching them, and look to be well into lunchtime drinks, oh, and Sera is on the tavern roof, again.” 

Cullen huffed, shaking his head fondly. “She’s going to break her neck one of these days.” 

“Well” Dorian replied, moving back to sit on the bed, Cullen shuffling up to allow him next to him. “She can’t say she wasn’t warned. Multiple times. By everyone in Skyhold.” 

“I would like to go down later, and see my men.” Cullen said, leaning his shoulder against Dorian’s heavily. “I feel up to it today.” 

“Really, Amatus? Because you look like you are falling asleep to me.” Dorian laughed as Cullen’s head tipped onto his shoulder, eyes already dropping shut.

“Well I did say later.” Cullen mumbled, pressing a clumsy kiss to Dorian’s bare shoulder. “You’ll have to tell me what that means when I wake up, by the way.”

“What what means?” 

“Amatus. You always call me it, I never thought to ask what it means until now.” Cullen replied, voice growing heavier with sleep by the second, and Dorian shook his head.

“I’ll tell you before we go down.” He promised, taking up Cullen’s book as the man fell asleep against him, wrapping his arm around his lover.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - - - - - - - 

There was a bang from the courtyard, and Dorian woke with a start, his discarded book falling from his lap. He hadn’t intended to fall asleep, it was simply warm, and comfortable with Cullen by his side. A cursory glance out of the window to the sun told him it had only been a couple of hours, and the banging and clashing of metal meant the soldiers were still in full tilt, hard at work as ever. 

He shook Cullen next to him gently.

“Come on, Amatus, or you’ll miss the training.” He said gently, then louder when Cullen didn’t move. “”Cullen.”

He shook him again, Cullen falling limply against him, and he froze, not wanting to continue anymore. 

Warily he lifted a hand to Cullen’s mouth.

“No.”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - -- - -- - 

It was sunny, the rays beating down warm and strong, not a cloud in the sky, and it felt wrong. The world shouldn’t seem so happy on a day like this. Dorian had had to watch as they burned Cullen’s body, the black smoke of the pyre filling the blue sky, the only marr on what could otherwise be considered a brilliant day.

He wanted to scream, and rage, and cry to the world how unfair it all was, but what would that accomplish really?

Bull had tried to talk to him, but he’d shrugged him off, making the necessary small talk with Cullen’s family before retreating away to Cullen’s office. Nothing had been moved, nothing changed and Dorian was thankful for small mercies, collapsing into the chair on which Cullen’s furred overcoat still hung from the last time he’d left it there.

He brought it to his face. It still smelt faintly of the Commander, and the tears began to fall as he pushed his face into the fur, ignoring the sound of the door opening and closing in front of him, not needing to guess who it might be.

“I am not in the mood, Cassandra.” He mumbled into the fur, looking up with sore eyes, unashamed as they matched Cassandra’s own.

“And you think I am? I simply thought you might appreciate the company, and this.” She placed an exceedingly expensive bottle of wine on the desk, and two goblets, for which Dorian raised a brow.

“Someone has been raiding the cellars.” He remarked, lowering the fur to his lap.

“I’ve been saving it for the right occasion, and this struck me as such.” She replied, popping the cork and pouring them both a serving. Dorian scoffed as he took his from her.

“It’s an occasion to get outrageously drunk, I will give you that.”

“Exactly.”

They drank in silence, almost to the bottom of their second glass when Cassandra spoke again.

“Will you leave us?” She said, outright. Cassandra didn’t really do gently. However, Dorian didn’t need gentle right now.

“I’ve been thinking about it.” He replied. Cassandra nodded.

“Where would you go?” 

“I’ve been thinking about that too.” He sighed, placing the goblet down. “He’d have wanted me to stay.”

“Now more than ever.” Cassandra agreed. “But he was a hero, whether he believed it or not. You need to do what is right for you, Dorian, and no-one here shall question it should you decide to leave, I will make sure of that.” 

Dorian eyed her for a moment, before lifting his goblet to her.

“Thank you, Cassandra.”

“You are welcome.” 

They drank the rest of the bottle in silence, the expensive brand particularly strong, and when Dorian went to sleep that night in Cullen’s ridiculous attic bed, he didn’t dream at all.


End file.
